I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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