at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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