I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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