I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
