Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
