just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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