I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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