How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize