I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
