i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
