I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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