Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
