Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
