She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
