dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
