come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
