Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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