My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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