She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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