We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
