someone threw a dead crab at me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this will be a night to untag.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize