im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please don't give away my fajitas
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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