at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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