Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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