So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize