Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
