I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
