my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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