I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
