i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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