I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
