We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you never un-have a 4some
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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