You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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