I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
