I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
