The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
