So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
