he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize