I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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