You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I AM VODKA MAN
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
