I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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