Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
