I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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