things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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