Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
as a side note pls kill me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize