look no pants
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
