when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
