Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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