I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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