she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
