Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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