Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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