i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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