ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
