it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
