Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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