we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
