it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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