I hate all girls vehemently.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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