Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
