We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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