i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
