Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't deserve a penis
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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