Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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