as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
