if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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