The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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