I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
