Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize