My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
