I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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