dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
