Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
