Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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