the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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