Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize