I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
